When I felt compelled to be anti-gay (see my sidebar for why I use that relatively neutral term), I had some thoughts about gay issues which I would never share with anyone. One of those regarded the then-hot topic of gay marriage. Underneath all of the rhetoric about sanctity, was this hope:
"Maybe this will discourage people from being gay."
Maybe if we didn't allow them to marry, they would fall out of love. Maybe if we made it as hard as possible to be gay in this society, far fewer people would be. Maybe we could "correct" them. Maybe being straight, or trying to, would make them more open to Jesus.
This was my secret reasoning back then, about ten years ago. And I know this thought had to have occurred to others. So whenever I hear political arguments against LGBT protections, I know the real reason they oppose these laws. I know that for at least some people, it's about punishing us. It's about making it more difficult to be gay. And I wonder if this secret thought is more widespread than anyone admits.
I know this is some people's reasoning, if not most. I wish they would at least be honest about it. But maybe most are not being honest with themselves. Because if they admit that they are trying to punish people into being straight, that looks bad. That may make them feel bad. So they avoid that pain and embarrassment, by talking about something else. Something prettier. Something nicer.
This might be excusable if we could easily choose to be straight. But even the other side knows that it's not easy to change, or else there would no need for "ex-gay" programs. ("Need." There shouldn't be a "need.") For some of us change is ultimately impossible. Or at least, it is if we want to live a happy life. Maybe you should listen to those who fail to change, and not just those who succeed.
The other side knows this. I knew this. I knew you couldn't make people submit to possibly years of intense (and expensive) conversion therapy unless they were miserable already. So naturally, it was up to us to make them as miserable as possible being gay. Or at least, to maintain a miserable status quo. It was our loving duty to keep gay people unhappy. For their own good, they could not be allowed to be happy.
I am using language that is more frank than I would have used at the time. I am being blunt. If this thought process describes you, you would probably use nicer terms. But it doesn't make the idea nice.
Conversion therapy made people unhappy. Lifelong celibacy made people unhappy. (Look at how many young marriages there are in churches. People want sex, and won't admit its importance to them.) I knew there were not equal standards--that some gay people just could not fall in love with the opposite sex. I could say that celibacy was a gift, but I knew it was a gift I didn't want--or didn't want to keep forever. How could I blame a gay person for not wanting it either? God gave some people choices, and others burdens. There had to be an incentive to carry this burden.
So I know you're trying to punish me, underneath all the other arguments. At least some of you are. I wish you were honest. I know you feel like you can't be. Most of all, I wish you knew you didn't have to punish me. I wish some of you didn't want to. But I don't think that's most people, and I pray for a time when no one has to be hurt.
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